Fudgebudget

Wherein I express myriad incredulities

Archive for the ‘Comic’ Category

Some thoughts on Halloween

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Most of the year, my interior dialogue (and sometimes exterior, because I talk to myself a lot – if you find someone in the produce section looking overwhelmed and talking to herself about seasonal recipes, odds are it’s me. Just ignore her.) in front of a mirror sounds like this:

halloween

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Now, what I’m hoping this panel got across is that while I am not in my “ideal” weight range, I really am not all that self-deprecating about it. Sometimes it bothers me that I don’t care as much as I’d like to care about it, if that makes any sense. Basically, while I don’t have the world’s best body image, I like to think that it doesn’t hold me back in life, either. As someone who has dealt with eating disorders in the past, I would rather be the size I am now while being mostly apathetic about it than be thin and obsessing about it. And if you’ve never dealt with an eating disorder, that is a whole other dimension of “obsession” that you can be thankful you’ve never experienced – unless maybe you’re a compulsive gambler or you have legitimate OCD (not the “haha I like to eat everything off my plate in a clockwise direction I’m so OCD!” OCD – that is not real OCD), then you might get it.

Anyway, to go back to the original title of this post, while most of the year I’m ambivalent about my body image, Halloween is different. It’s not that it makes me obsess about my weight or consider previous unhealthy lifestyle habits (i.e., vortices of self destruction), but it does make me think about my body a whole lot more.

Consider typical female costuming strategies:

  • Slutty _______________________ (fill in your own blank: slutty nurse, slutty librarian, slutty firefighter, slutty milkmaid, slutty pirate wench … pick one)
  • Oh wait, are there other strategies?

I kid (mostly), but if a woman goes into a costume store, that’s kind of your only option. And if you wanted to make your own costume and impersonate a celebrity as a not-thin woman, you are left with….. Adele? Camryn Manheim? Oprah in the early 90s? Monica Lewinsky? Paula Deen before Type II diabetes? An elderly Queen Victoria? (Also, that would be a perfect family costume – cover your child in fake blood and play him/her off as an inbred hemophiliac – I am full of great ideas today.) Our choices are limited. Beyond women who are actually a comparable size to oneself, you are left with attaching the prefix “fat” to your costume title. Examples:

  • Fat Frida Kahlo (although I like to think that Frida wouldn’t care if she’d put on some pounds)
  • Fat Marilyn Monroe (like maybe if she had lived long enough to develop a hormonal imbalance that required corticosteroids to correct)
  • Fat Disney Princess of your choice (this would actually work if you did this as a couple’s costume with a Fat Disney Prince – you could wear a disclaimer that says, “SHUT UP, ‘HAPPY EVER AFTER’ REQUIRED SOME CAKE, OKAY?”)

I still don’t have a costume figured out for this year, but right now a fat, slutty Frida Kahlo kind of seems like the way to go.

I like using my blog to make me sound hideous so that I don’t get creepy emails. So far it’s working.

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Written by fudgebudget

October 14, 2013 at 10:14 pm

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And that’s why you should always call customer service lines after 12pm.

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I hate getting indignant before noon. It just makes me tired the rest of the day, even if it results in a victory (spoiler alert: victory was mine this morning, but I am battle-weary).

victory

 

Also: I should never call customer service at an hour that is traditionally not conducive to the consumption of alcoholic beverages.

victorybetter

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December 5, 2012 at 8:16 pm

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Carrier pigeons – or, more realistically, carrier ravens

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It’s usually when I realize that an idea is ridiculous enough to make a good local news story that I know it should be a satirical blog post.

I just watched a woman try to contact a relative who teaches at an elementary school.  It took more than 15 minutes to even access the relative in question because the secretary of the elementary school is out, so instead she had to call the high school who would then transfer her to the appropriate elementary school office who would then have to go to the department level and so on and so forth. Because she can’t call a room directly.

I made the comment that carrier pigeons would enable her to bypass the bureaucracy faster – and then it hit me – what a fantastic local news story that would be.

Woman trains carrier pigeons to avoid bureaucracy and saves time doing it! 

The only problem with this is that we really don’t have pigeons around here, because it’s the boonies, so we’re going with ravens.

Woman trains carrier ravens to avoid bureaucracy and scare small children into behaving themselves!

And that’s the news. I’m Schmug Blernandez. Goodnight.

Written by fudgebudget

February 9, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Tea

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If weight was directly and negatively proportional to the amount of tea that a person drinks, I would actually look like the stick people that I draw instead of trying to draw real people in MS Paint.

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November 30, 2011 at 12:11 am

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Overactive imagination

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My croissant from this morning, improved.

Overactive imagination

Written by fudgebudget

November 7, 2011 at 9:23 pm

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I was just thinking about how weird birds would look without their beaks.

I’m so glad I went to art school.

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October 7, 2011 at 4:24 pm

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Teen Mom

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I got sucked into Teen Mom.

SO MUCH YELLING

Let me sum up most of the relationships on the show.

This is what I imagine those kids will think when they are their parents’ age.

That show is like a train wreck and I just can’t take my eyes away from it. It has, however, positively reinforced my decision earlier in life to not become a social worker.

Written by fudgebudget

October 3, 2011 at 3:20 pm