Wherein I express myriad incredulities

Archive for October 2013

Some thoughts on Halloween

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Most of the year, my interior dialogue (and sometimes exterior, because I talk to myself a lot – if you find someone in the produce section looking overwhelmed and talking to herself about seasonal recipes, odds are it’s me. Just ignore her.) in front of a mirror sounds like this:



Now, what I’m hoping this panel got across is that while I am not in my “ideal” weight range, I really am not all that self-deprecating about it. Sometimes it bothers me that I don’t care as much as I’d like to care about it, if that makes any sense. Basically, while I don’t have the world’s best body image, I like to think that it doesn’t hold me back in life, either. As someone who has dealt with eating disorders in the past, I would rather be the size I am now while being mostly apathetic about it than be thin and obsessing about it. And if you’ve never dealt with an eating disorder, that is a whole other dimension of “obsession” that you can be thankful you’ve never experienced – unless maybe you’re a compulsive gambler or you have legitimate OCD (not the “haha I like to eat everything off my plate in a clockwise direction I’m so OCD!” OCD – that is not real OCD), then you might get it.

Anyway, to go back to the original title of this post, while most of the year I’m ambivalent about my body image, Halloween is different. It’s not that it makes me obsess about my weight or consider previous unhealthy lifestyle habits (i.e., vortices of self destruction), but it does make me think about my body a whole lot more.

Consider typical female costuming strategies:

  • Slutty _______________________ (fill in your own blank: slutty nurse, slutty librarian, slutty firefighter, slutty milkmaid, slutty pirate wench … pick one)
  • Oh wait, are there other strategies?

I kid (mostly), but if a woman goes into a costume store, that’s kind of your only option. And if you wanted to make your own costume and impersonate a celebrity as a not-thin woman, you are left with….. Adele? Camryn Manheim? Oprah in the early 90s? Monica Lewinsky? Paula Deen before Type II diabetes? An elderly Queen Victoria? (Also, that would be a perfect family costume – cover your child in fake blood and play him/her off as an inbred hemophiliac – I am full of great ideas today.) Our choices are limited. Beyond women who are actually a comparable size to oneself, you are left with attaching the prefix “fat” to your costume title. Examples:

  • Fat Frida Kahlo (although I like to think that Frida wouldn’t care if she’d put on some pounds)
  • Fat Marilyn Monroe (like maybe if she had lived long enough to develop a hormonal imbalance that required corticosteroids to correct)
  • Fat Disney Princess of your choice (this would actually work if you did this as a couple’s costume with a Fat Disney Prince – you could wear a disclaimer that says, “SHUT UP, ‘HAPPY EVER AFTER’ REQUIRED SOME CAKE, OKAY?”)

I still don’t have a costume figured out for this year, but right now a fat, slutty Frida Kahlo kind of seems like the way to go.

I like using my blog to make me sound hideous so that I don’t get creepy emails. So far it’s working.


Written by fudgebudget

October 14, 2013 at 10:14 pm

Posted in Comic

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Facebook is a double-edged sword

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I will freely admit that when I received a friend request a few years ago from someone with whom I’d had a big falling out in high school, I assumed the worst. I checked out her profile, saw an Ivy League school in the current education, and knew exactly why she was getting back in touch. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt, added her, and upon having access to my profile she noticed that I, too, was in grad school, but was scheduled to finish a semester after her.  The message she left me went something like this:

I finally found someone graduating after me!

We don’t talk anymore.

Facebook is both a blessing and a curse – on the one hand, you know what everyone’s up to! On the other hand, you know what everyone’s up to.

Written by fudgebudget

October 14, 2013 at 9:20 pm

Posted in General

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