Wherein I express myriad incredulities

Archive for January 2012

The Fudgebudget Diet Plan

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I had a moment of clarity this morning:

I refuse to participate in any diet that prevents me from eating cheese grits.

I think that a lot of people feel this way, and I feel like I can help – with my new diet plan (book forthcoming from FatAss Publishing).

Now, I don’t want to give away the entire book, but here are some of the highlights:

Rule 1: If it’s not worth getting on a treadmill, don’t put it in your mouth.

Rule 2: Sometimes, you need a break from the treadmill, lest all treadmill and no play make Fudgebudget a dull something something. It’s okay to continue putting food in your mouth during this time, but you will probably need to make up for it later. If you already feel like blah, then there’s no reason to pile on yourself as that just prolongs the blah-ness.

Rule 3: Indulge your cravings the best way possible – by obsessing over them for days and then finally giving in. Eat the juicy, fatty, half pound cheeseburger after you’ve been dreaming about and planning for a week and be happy in knowing that you only ate one cheeseburger that week and it was AWESOME.

Rule 4: “Calcium” is now a food group, in addition to “whole grains,” “vegetables,” and “proteins.” This will make you feel more joyful and less guilty when you eat butter and cheese. Butter and cheese are wonderful, and both cows and people worked very hard to make them. Respect the dairy artists and enjoy your butter and cheese.

Rule 5: Be a responsible adult. It really all boils down to this. Reward yourself by not mooching off your parents and not buying bottom shelf booze. Being a responsible adult is not the worst thing that could happen to you.

*Disclaimer: I am not skinny and am pretty much completely unqualified to be doling out diet advice.

Written by fudgebudget

January 13, 2012 at 9:07 pm

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