Wherein I express myriad incredulities

Blindness-induced conversational ineptitude

with 2 comments

Sometimes I feel like a failure as a woman for my inability to be successfully social with any of the  many people in my life who have cut my hair. From a hairdresser’s standpoint, I am completely socially retarded (when this is only partly true). They must think I have absolutely no friends and that my life is super sad.

Every exchange that I’ve had with a hairdresser has been a weird and uncomfortable series of short, sporadic non-sequitors. Once we run out of things to say about my hair (which is un-dyed and straight … so not all that much to discuss), we’re pretty much done chatting until, “Okay, you’re done!” Which is hairdresser speak for, “Oh thank god that’s over. Great Clips has never felt so grim.

Maybe this is all because I am so freaking blind that when I take my glasses off for a haircut I second guess myself since I can’t read anyone’s facial cues. You could be 12 inches away from my face and if I don’t have my glasses on I have NO idea what you’re thinking about anything that I say.

I feel like the relationship I have with my masseuse is comparable to ones that normal women have with their hairdressers. My best guess is that this is because you’re not supposed to pay attention to your masseuse’s facial cues since your face spends most of a session in a padded doughnut.

The rest of the time, it is perfectly acceptable to just close your eyes since you’re supposed to be relaxing. Which I am getting progressively better at doing. My masseuse doesn’t have to do that thing where they shake your limbs until you relax them nearly as often as she used to. I feel like semi-regular massages have the added benefit of teaching me to be less neurotic. I like to think that they make me a more pleasant person all around. Of course a hairdresser will never have the opportunity to realize this unless I get LASIK.


Written by fudgebudget

November 7, 2011 at 1:51 am

2 Responses

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  1. I feel EXACTLY the same. I got my hair cut this week, and the hair stylist finally started a conversation with the other stylist sitting next to him because I couldn’t get it together. I don’t have blindness as an excuse, but the guy was sort of hard of hearing, and there were 1,000 blowdryers on, so every time I made a comment he’d say “Huh?” and I’d have to start over.

    Down with haircut conversations. They’re awkward.


    November 19, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    • It’s especially weird since I tend to be able to do one-on-one conversations with just about anyone. It’s just a mental block on hairdressers for me apparently. Or maybe hairdressers are more likely to be sociopaths and I’m especially perceptive. The latter makes me feel better, so I’m going with that.


      November 29, 2011 at 11:43 pm

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