Wherein I express myriad incredulities


with 2 comments

Dear Juniper,

You think you’re so great. You think that because you are a benevolent looking green thing in a state populated solely by apathetic people and hippies that your offensive nature would go unnoticed.

You were wrong, Juniper.

Juniper, I don’t understand why you are so hell-bent on making my life miserable. While my eyes may find you aesthetically neutral, my sinuses want you to die.

And so I propose, Juniper, that you stick to that for which you are good – the ONLY thing for which you are good – and that is flavoring gin.

No, Juniper, I know what you are going to say – but please, spare us the painful words of resentful parting and go quietly. Into my bottle of gin. And out of my sinuses. Because I cannot handle going home everyday with headaches that have me in tears. If you really loved me, Juniper, you wouldn’t want to make me cry.

No love,


Photo stolen shamelessly from this person, since I was too afraid to get that close to take a picture – http://www.flickr.com/photos/razzumitos/4950498890/



Written by fudgebudget

February 10, 2011 at 8:10 pm

2 Responses

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  1. the thing that really pisses me off is that texas doesn’t even have a gin distillery, so all of it’s just going to waste and making our days miserable.


    February 28, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    • See that’s just weird. They’re making vodka all over Texas, why can’t they make gin? I’m currently using Dripping Springs vodka from Texas to do some infusions since it was cheaper than Tito’s, and I would love to try Texas gin if someone would make it.


      March 2, 2011 at 11:48 pm

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